


break my heart and start again

by timetoboldlygo



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Other, also i guess kind of a college au lmao, cass and mako are sleeping together, september au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 21:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13152591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetoboldlygo/pseuds/timetoboldlygo
Summary: Cass traditionally liked to know where they stood with people. Friends, lovers. They liked clear demarcations. Mako had been a friend, now he was – well. Cass didn’t really know what he was. Mako was the one who had gone and broken all the rules, like the rules that said don’t kiss your friends, rules that Cass had pretty faithfully followed for their entire life, and landed Cass in this mess.for secret samol 2017!





	break my heart and start again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lady_mab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/gifts).



> this is a september au, in that mako and cass are both students at September which means u have to ignore the fact that it probably takes fucking months to get from apostalos to September in this au it’s like a plane ride
> 
> also thx carly rae jepson for the title from "your type"

Cass had only been on-planet for seven minutes before their phone beeped with an incoming message. They checked it while hoisting their bag onto their shoulder. It was a few days before classes started, so Cass was the only student in the hangar, and probably one of the only students on campus back after the winter holidays.

The message read _u back yet_

Cass wondered just for a second if Mako was stalking them through the mesh, or had set up some alarm or something. Mako always seemed eerily able to know where Cass was, but maybe Mako was just very lucky. _Yes_ , Cass typed back. _Landed a few minutes ago._

 _nice_ , Mako wrote back, then _dinner_?

Cass smiled stupidly down at the phone for a second before shaking their head and grabbing the shuttle towards campus. _Sounds good_.

 _y do u always use proper punctuation u sound like u hat eme_ , Mako typed out. Cass has always suspected he goes back and purposefully adds in his spelling errors, because it’s hard to misspell when you type with your brain, but then, Mako had always liked the feeling of typing.

Cass chose to ignore the text and slid the phone into their pocket. It had been a very long day of travel, and Cass had spent most of it sleeping, but they were glad to be back, in a way. They didn’t really think of September as home, but they’d spent the past three and a half years at the institute, so it was – familiar.

Cass’s room was just like they left it – clean, a little devoid of personal touches. Cass had half-been expecting to find Mako in it, but if he’d broken in, there was no trace of it. Cass supposed he wouldn’t have much reason – not that Mako really needed reason to do anything – but Mako’s roommate was gone for winter break and traditionally, Mako came to Cass’s room to avoid them.

Cass didn’t have much to unpack. They didn’t take their uniforms home, and they didn’t really have anything to bring back from home either. Besides, they wanted to see Mako.

But Mako didn’t answer the door when Cass stopped his room. Cass frowned at the door for a second before turning around and heading back to the elevator. The Rose Moon dorm was pretty full of students still, several of whom were looking at Cass very strangely because they didn’t belong here. Students from House White Star didn’t usually interact with House Rose Moon. Cass would have assumed after three years of being Mako’s friend, people would have gotten over it, but apparently not.

Cass was hedging their bets that Mako would be in the library. There was an alcove on the third floor that Mako liked, and since all the class buildings were closed, it was the only place he could be now.

Sure enough, the library was empty except for Mako’s alcove, where Cass could see his bright yellow and blue jacket sleeve. “Hey,” Cass said when they were close enough and Mako’s feet jerked off the table as he twisted to peer around the chair.

“Hey,” he said blearily, looking up at Cass with a wide, tired grin. His hair was sticking up on one side, like he’d been asleep just a few minutes ago. Probably he had been. The library was almost uncomfortably warm and Cass could feel themselves getting drowsy just standing in it. “How was break?”

“You look exhausted,” Cass said in response, partially because Mako did and partially because Cass didn’t really want to talk about it. But then, Mako wasn’t asking to know about the Apostalosian politics. He just wanted to know. “Did you and Ted throw a party or something?”

“No, Ted went back home,” Mako said, waving Cass closer. “Come on, sit down.”

“Let’s go back to my room,” Cass said instead, reaching down to pull Mako out of the library chair. With their other hand, they picked up Mako’s datapad and started to put things in his backpack. “We can get food to go. Come on.”

“Yeah, okay,” Mako said, leaning into Cass in a way that he didn’t usually when in public, a way that was much more intimate than just two friends might be. “But you’ll tell me how break was?”

“Sure,” Cass said, and Mako rewarded them with a quick kiss, hands hot on their jaw, drawing Cass in. Cass shut their eyes, hand resting on Mako’s back almost automatically, not willing to let Mako go. Even as Mako kissed them, Cass could feel the tension bleeding out of their shoulders.

“Come on,” Cass said when they broke apart, hauling Mako’s backpack over one shoulder. Mako looked just as tired but considerably happier. “Let’s go.”

They took the elevator down, Mako seeming perfectly content to stay tucked under Cass’s arm. With the campus empty, Cass was remarkably reluctant to let Mako go. In their heavy coats and hats, probably no one would be able to see who they were and it was easy to just keep Mako right by their side. It was warm, and Cass could hear him better when he talked.

They stopped by the dining hall for pizza, Cass shoving a few slices into one of the take out containers and grabbing some fruit as well, since Mako probably hadn’t had any since Cass had left for winter break.

“Okay,” Mako said when they got back to Cass’s room. He practically threw himself on the bed, which bounced a little. As per usual, Mako looked extraordinarily out of place because he was very bright and Cass’s room was very bland. “Tell me for real. Break?”

“You first,” Cass said, shoving the take-out box at Mako. Mako’s arms barely managed to catch the box before it dropped. “And eat.”

“Okay _Mom_ ,” Mako said, rolling his eyes, but he pulled off his shoes and sat cross-legged on the bed, balancing the to-go box on his knee. “Nothing happened this break. Aria left like, two days after you did and then so did Ted, so. It was quiet.”

Cass pointedly didn’t ask why Mako hadn’t gone home – they’d tried a few times, just casually, but Mako always avoided the question. Cass could tell when someone didn’t want to talk about something and when it came to family, they certainly understood. They didn’t press.

Mako sighed. “Your turn,” he said, offering Cass a French fry. At the very least, most of Mako’s burger was gone, and that was success enough.

Cass took the fry. “I had to go to a state dinner,” they said. “Uh – I actually didn’t see my parents besides the state dinner.” Apokine had given them a hug, eyes flinty, asked how school was going. Euanthe had done the same, slightly less warmly.

It was, in a way, traditional.

“Parents suck,” Mako said sagely.  He ate another fry. “Whatever.”

“Uh-huh,” Cass said. They weren’t sure Mako had parents, but it seemed best not to say anything. “I’m going to unpack. You should sleep.”

“I’m fine,” Mako said, pretending like he hadn’t been interrupted by a yawn right in the middle of the sentence. Cass wondered when the last time he’d even slept was.

Mako was good at not sleeping.

“Yeah,” Cass said. “Nice try.”

“You are no fun,” Mako complained. “We haven’t seen each other in a month and you don’t even wanna make out with me?”

Cass could feel their cheeks heat up at the comment. “I’d like you to be conscious,” they said, sharper than they meant to, but it only made Mako smile as he lay down.

“Ok, but just so you know, when I wake up, I’m making out with you,” Mako said, yawning again. It only took him ten minutes to fall asleep.

Cass paused a moment to run their hand through Mako’s hair, which was still sticking out sideways and remained stubbornly sticking out no matter what Cass did. Mako looked stunningly young while asleep, something Cass always noticed. Like whenever he was awake the world just aged him too much.

Cass sighed. “What am I going to do with you,” they murmured, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Mako’s forehead. It felt a little clandestine – Cass didn’t know if they were allowed. They’d known where they stood when they and Mako were just friends who hung out after class and grabbed lunch sometimes.

But the first day back on campus after summer this year, Mako had knocked on Cass’s door and greeted them with a kiss when they’d opened it.

Cass traditionally liked to know where they stood with people. Friends, lovers. They liked clear demarcations. Mako had been a friend, now he was – well. Cass didn’t really know what he was.

Trust Mako to do everything Mako-style – that is, in a confusing way.

But even with all the confusion, Cass wouldn’t give it up. Mako’s texts through the winter break were what made it bearable. He was – refreshing to be around.

Cass snorted as they finished unpacking. Three years ago, they would not have _ever_ called Mako Trig refreshing. They might have tactfully said he was vivacious if someone had asked, like a true politician, but if any of their friends had him as a group project partner, Cass would have commiserated with them when they complained.

But Mako _was_ refreshing. He didn’t ask Cass how winter break was while really trying to get the inside scoop on Apostalosian politics – he really just wanted to know how Cass’s winter break was. He didn’t care about Cass’s duties or Sokrates’s treason or anything political. Just Cass.

Cass wouldn’t have expected that from what they’d known of Mako freshman year. They prided themselves on being good at reading people, and Mako seemed like the nosy sort of person who’d want to know every little detail about a scion of a far-off planet.

Cass had never been so wrong.

It only took one group project at the very beginning of sophomore year to learn that and here Cass was, sitting on the bed next to a napping Mako, considering Mako their best friend, really. Certainly the easiest one to talk to. They’d spent the entirety of freshman year sitting next to Mako, judging him and ignoring him (because they weren’t here for _fun_ , they were here to get a proper education and be a good diplomat), and Cass had now told Mako things that no one knew about them.

Cass had told Mako what it felt like, to receive the letter that Euanthe had been injured, that Cass needed to come home, only to arrive home a week later and find that Euanthe was stable. That Cass wasn’t needed.

Cass told Mako about being the youngest child, about growing up with nannies instead of parents, really. Cass told Mako how it felt to be here at September, which felt like freedom for the first time to Cass.

Told Mako about how much they wanted to be a doctor, even though their parents didn’t want them to be one.

Mako in return told Cass about which lunch robots were his favorite and always gave him extra food, and how it felt to be on campus almost entirely alone during summer breaks. How he’d never been off planet. How he tried to be a good student but sometimes it didn’t feel like it was worth it.

Cass couldn’t be certain, but it seemed like Mako also told Cass a lot of things he’d never said to anyone before.

“Shove over,” Cass said now, pushing at Mako. Mako grunted and rolled over, towards the wall, letting Cass slide into the bed. It wasn’t that late, really, but it was getting dark and besides, Cass had been traveling all day.

“I should go back to my room,” Mako mumbled.

But it was easy for Cass to drape his arm over Mako’s waist and say, “Stay.”

-

In the morning they went and got breakfast, and Mako played footsie with Cass under the table. There was no one around, though students would probably begin to get back to their dorms by tonight, and Mako would go back to only kissing Cass when they were in their room.

-

Cass honestly didn’t know how much time they devoted to thinking about this thing they had with Mako. Friends with benefits, maybe, not that Cass really knew the rules for that either. All they knew was this: Mako would kiss them in private. Was content to lay with his head in Cass’s lap and play with Cass’s hair and Cass’s hands. When they were outside of Cass’s room, it was like none of that ever happened. Mako teased and laughed and slung his arm around Cass’s shoulders, like they were friends.

If Mako were more like Cass, maybe it would be that they were just self-conscious. Cass was always noticing that people looked at them oddly. They were different people. They were in different houses, studied different things, were from different planets, different classes.

But Mako had never cared about that before.

He didn’t care about the houses, and he didn’t care about Apostalosian politics, and he didn’t care when people looked at them like they were flouting all the rules just by talking to each other. He just – he was just Cass’s friend.

And then Mako had gone and broken all the rules, like the rules that said _don’t kiss your friends_ , rules that Cass had pretty faithfully followed for their entire life, and landed Cass in this mess.

“Cass, are you even _listening_ to me,” Mako said now, tossing a pillow at Cass. It hit Cass’s shoulder and bounced off.

“No,” Cass said automatically, although they were already turning to look at him. They hadn’t been listening. Mako grinned.

“I was _saying_ ,” Mako said, sprawling on Cass’s bed. He propped his elbows up on the footboard and set his chin in his hands. “That you were a boring stick in the mud and that you never do anything fun with me anymore and I should probably get new friends.”

Cass digested this, then put down their homework. “You still want me to go the mall with you this weekend?”

Mako laughed, clearly delighted that Cass knew what he was talking about. “Yeah!”

“Yeah,” Cass said, because Mako was smiling at them and they tended to say stupid things when Mako was smiling at them. “Maybe.”

“Really,” Mako said. “That deserves a reward.” He waggled his eyebrows and made a silly come-hither motion. “Come here.”

Cass raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t you come here.”

They should have never challenged Mako, who immediately sat up and leaned off the edge of the bed, barely able to plant a sloppy wet kiss on Cass’s cheek without falling off. Then before Cass could react, Mako swooped in and kissed Cass deeply, his hand on the back of Cass’s head, pulling them _just_ a little closer to deepen the kiss. Cass tilted their head for easier access.

“I’m just saying,” Mako said in between kisses. Cass bit back a moan, just barely. “That _I’m_ the one on the bed. _You’re_ in the chair. So you should be the one to come over here. It’s – ah – sound logic.”

“You act like – ” Mako cut Cass off with a kiss, but Cass had a point somewhere. They found it again when Mako tugged at their hair and they gasped just a little bit. “Like we’ve never done anything in this chair.”

“But we’ve done _more_ in this bed,” Mako said, reaching out for Cass’s wrist and tugging them closer. Cass went because – well, they liked kissing Mako more than continuing this argument, really. Mako had sound logic. So Cass went.

“Mako!” Cass hissed when Mako’s _freezing_ fingers crept under their shirt.

Mako laughed. “Okay, okay,” he said against Cass’s lips, and instead his hands found Cass’s ass.

“Mako,” Cass said, but of course Mako was still kissing them.

Mako grinned. “You can’t spell Cass without ass.”

“I’m not sleeping with you,” Cass threatened, pretending to pull back. Mako clearly didn’t buy it for a second, because his hands didn’t move. “I hate you, you know.”

“You’re very convincing,” Mako reassured them, giving them another kiss. His hands started tugging at Cass shirt. “I promise. I’m convinced.”

“You so aren’t,” Cass muttered and Mako laughed. His hands left Cass’s ass and cupped their jaw, pulling them in for surprisingly sweet kiss. Cass sighed. They could pretend, sometimes, that this was more than it was, when Mako’s hands were so kind, his kisses so slow and honeyed.

Especially when Mako stayed the night afterwards. He was a messy sleeper, always, limbs everywhere. Cass often slept half on top of him, Mako tucked under their arm, just out of self-defense.

“You think too much,” Mako mumbled against Cass’s arm. He groaned and rolled over, so that he was lying on top of Cass now. His skin was hot and a little sticky – he always ran hot. “What are you thinking about?”

“My homework,” Cass lied. Of its own accord, really, their thumb started smoothing circles against Mako’s shoulder.

“Liar,” Mako said, yawning. “Remind to ask you about it tomorrow when I’m not mostly asleep.”

“Okay,” Cass said.

Mako wiggled a little bit so that he was more comfortable. His legs were tangled up in Cass’s, his face now just an inch away, and Cass couldn’t resist dropping a kiss into his hair. “You good?” Mako asked.

Cass blinked, surprised. They hadn’t expected that. “Yeah,” they said, almost surprised by it. “I am.”

“Good,” Mako said. “Good.”

-

“How do you not know how to play beer pong,” Mako shouted. He had to shout because they were at party and they were a party because Mako was somehow very good at convincing Cass to do things they didn’t want to do.

Like go to huge parties midway through the semester that were _sure_ to get busted.

Mako was mildly drunk, despite promising not to get drunk if Cass came to this party. Cass had had more than a few drinks, were just a little tipsy and _warm_. Mako was drunker though, and he was getting a little loose, kept smiling at Cass with an easy grin and grabbing their hand.

“I’ve never been to a party like this,” Cass said, because house White Star kids didn’t usually go to parties. No one was in uniforms, but they could still tell that this crowd was mostly Rose Moon and Blue World kids. “Have you?”

“Yeah, I’m a party animal,” Mako said. He grinned and tugged Cass over the ping-pong table, where there were a bunch of red cups everywhere and one team had clearly just lost. “Come on, it’s easy.”

It wasn’t very easy. Mako was pretty good at it somehow, even though he probably didn’t go to parties as often as he said. He was really carrying the team, because Cass kept missing and having to drink, which was fucking disgusting because the ping pong ball kept landing in it. At least Cass could hold their liquor.

“It’s okay!” Mako kept yelling, getting drunker and drunker. Because he couldn’t hold his liquor, was in fact a complete lightweight. Cass didn’t really know why Mako had wanted to come to this party in the first place, really, but Ted had invited him and Mako had thrown it out there, like _hey ted’s throwing a party, you wanna come? probably_ and suddenly Cass did really want to go, even though they hated parties, because Mako wanted to go and Cass didn’t want to be boring.

They lost.

“Sorry!” Cass yelled over the crowd. They kept leaning closer and closer to Mako, and Mako didn’t seem to mind. Didn’t really seem to mad that they’d lost, even. Maybe he was just that drunk. “I’m bad at this!”

“Yeah, you suck!” Mako yelled, but he was grinning. He grabbed onto Cass’s wrist again, started tugging them away from the ping pong table, Lazer Ted yelling insults at them as they left.

“Let’s get some air,” Cass yelled. Their throat was getting a little rough so much yelling over everyone. They snagged the back of Mako’s shirt and pulled them out into the hallway of the house.

“It’s cold,” Mako said, surprised. He crossed his arms and looked up at Cass. “I’m drunk,” he said, like Cass might not know.

“Yeah.”

“ _You’re_ drunk,” Mako said, poking Cass in the chest.

“Not as much as you are,” Cass said.

“No, you’re really drunk,” Mako insisted. He was swaying just a little bit and Cass put an arm around him, just to steady him, but Mako happily collapsed into Cass’s side, holding on to Cass’s jacket.

“Let’s go back to my room,” Cass said, already thinking about where Mako’s ugly jacket would be. How had he even lost that? “It’s late.”

“Oh, it’s _late_ ,” Mako said, waggling his eyebrows in a way that he probably thought was  
alluring but mostly just made him look ridiculous.

Cass groaned. “Mako.”

“Cass,” Mako said mischievously.

“Come on,” Cass said, a little more fondly then they meant do. “You’re gonna be so hungover tomorrow.”

-

He wasn’t, of course. Only Mako could drink his bodyweight in beer and not have so much as a mild headache when he woke up, elbowing Cass awake in the process.

“Sorry,” Mako whispered. “I need to get out.”

Cass grunted and rolled over, pulling the covers over their head. Mako slid over them, feet hitting the floor with a loud thump. Cass had had 2 glasses of water before going to bed, but they were still pretty happy when Mako put a bottle of painkillers on the bed. “Where you goin’,” they mumbled. “It’s the weekend.”

“Yeah,” Mako said, and Cass felt his fingers run softly through their hair. “Yeah. But it’s late, and I gotta meet for a group project. Like, uh, thirty minutes ago.”

“Okay,” Cass said, opening just one eye to look at Mako, who looked tired. So goddamn tired. They reached out and caught Mako’s wrist. “I’ll see you later?”

Mako’s expression softened a little bit. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll come by later.”

-

He didn’t, though, sending Cass a few hurried texts like _my group sux_ and _why do group projects sux_ and _im actually gonna kill this fucker who is LATER THAN I AM ??? IM THE KING OF BEING LATE_ and _this is not a good title_ and _you ever have regrets_.

Cass spent another couple of hours under their covers, warm and unwilling to get up, watching the texts come in. Sure, they had midterms coming up soon, should be studying, but in the grand scheme of things, two hours of half-hearted mildly hungover studying wouldn’t do _that_ much.

 _That sucks_ , Cass sent.

 _tht was heartfelt_ , Mako sent. _don’t u wanna support me in these trying times cass_

 _Why do you text like this_ , Cass sent back, yawning. They hadn’t been this hungover in a while. They weren’t much of a drinker because, well, getting hungover really easily while getting drunk was very hard kind of defeated the point of drinking in the first place.

_i speak like this_

_Ok_ , Cass sent back, giving up. It was true enough. Mako had been at the group project thing for four hours, at least. Cass briefly entertained the idea of bringing Mako lunch before promptly dismissing it. They didn’t _do_ things like that.

 _im done u up_ Mako sent around seven.

 _It’s seven_.

_u were sleepy this morning maybe u were having a hngover day_

They had only gotten out of bed twice and had spent most the day fucking around on various social media sites – Euanthe had given a speech at the opening of a new school, Apokine had signed two new laws into being. Sokrates had sent them a text asking how Cass was doing, which Cass had ignored. _It’s seven_ , Cass sent again.

 _ok im comin_ , Mako sent. _bringing food don’t worry I got u_

 He brought tacos. “You like tacos, right?”

“Yeah,” Cass said, reaching out and grabbing the bag. They squinted at Mako, who looked pretty bright-eyed and bushy tailed, considering it was seven at night and he’d spent all day working on a group project after getting pretty spectacularly drunk the night before.

“I don’t really get hungover,” Mako said, then grinned deviously. “Are _you_ hungover?”

“Not anymore,” Cass said, which was true enough.

Mako cackled. “I assumed you wouldn’t get that hungover!” He said, while Cass pointedly unpacked the brown bag of food. “You hold your liquor so well!”

“Well,” Cass said grumpily, slouching onto the bed next to Mako. Mako shifted so that their knees were touching. “We’re not all superhuman enough to drink our weight in beer and be completely fine.”

Mako kept giggling, even as Cass passed him their taco. “Sorry,” he said, snorting. “That sucks.”

Cass took a bite. “Tell me about your project,” they said.

Mako made a face. “Ugh, it’s so boring,” he said. “And seriously, it took two hours for that other guy to show up, like I know I was late, but that’s really late! And anyway, I thought I’d be partnered with Aria but she ditched me to work with her girlfriend which, fine, whatever but -”

And he kept going. Maybe he understood that Cass didn’t want to talk, and Cass was perfectly content to sit back and listen, eating and only offering vague _mmms_ and nods every so often.

“And,” Mako said, eventually. “My group project is done, so I have time to quiz you on your Political material if you want.”

Cass groaned. “Give me a half hour to study it,” they said, which was code for _I haven’t looked at that shit in weeks and I’m not sure I even learned it the first time_.

The quiz went pretty poorly. It wasn’t late, and Cass could have snuck in extra studying time, but Mako rolled over on the bed and gave Cass a smile, the smile that meant pretty soon he’d wander over to the desk and sit in Cass’s lap and start to undo Cass’s tie in rough gestures. “Why are you even still wearing this,” he’d say, dipping down to give Cass a bruising kiss, and Cass would close their eyes and pretend they knew what this meant even as their own hands left red marks on Mako’s hips.

Mako was excellent at complicating things. Cass had known the limits when they were friends, but it’d been three months since Mako first kissed them and they still hadn’t figured it out. They hadn’t wanted to, in a way, because once they figured it out, they were pretty sure it would have to stop.

Sure enough, it only took ten minutes for Mako to cave. “Cass,” he said, scooting a little bit closer. “Come on.”

“We’re supposed to be studying,” Cass said, but it was weak – they were already leaning back in their chair to kiss Mako. They couldn’t help themselves.

“You know all that stuff already,” Mako said against Cass’s lips. His hands started fumbling with Cass’s collar, his fingers hot against Cass’s collarbone.

“Okay,” Cass said. “Okay.”

Mako didn’t spend the night – sometimes he did, crammed into Cass’s single bed, tucked under Cass’s arm while half falling out, and Cass would never admit it to him, but they loved it. Tonight, though, Mako eventually rolled out of bed and scrounged around for his uniform. “Let’s grab lunch tomorrow,” he said, pulling on his shirt. He stuffed his tie into his jacket pocket instead of wearing it.

“Sure,” Cass said, following him to the door. For a second, Mako looked like he was going to lean up for a kiss, but then someone passed behind them in the hallway and Mako took a shaky breath and leaned back.

Cass hated that. Mako wouldn’t think about it for himself, but he must have noticed that Cass noticed, must have thought that Cass didn’t like to be seen with them, which was so absolutely not why Cass noticed when people were looking at them.

“Lunch tomorrow,” Cass said, and then before they could think about it longer, they leaned down and kissed Mako, longer than they intended, sweeter than they intended. Mako gasped against his lips.

“Yeah,” Mako said, looking a little dazed. “Sounds good.”

-

It was the first thing out of Maxine Ming’s mouth when Cass slid into the seat next to her. “So,” she said, turning to them. “Heard you were making out with Trig.”

Cass groaned. “One person saw us!” they said, but they were secretly a little bit thrilled.

They were really supposed to have dated Maxine. Both they and Maxine knew it – god knew Apokine had mentioned how nice that Kesh girl was several times over dinner – and they’d gone on exactly one date which had been - just fine, mostly.

“So you’re dating?”

“Not – not really,” Cass hedged.

Maxine looked supremely unimpressed. “Uh-huh.”

“We aren’t dating,” Cass said, pulling out their datapad and placing it neatly on the center of their desk. Up at the front

“Literally all you guys do is go on dates, and that’s all you’ve done for years,” Maxine said, settling back into her seat as the teacher approached the board.

Cass didn’t have a chance to ask her what that even meant, because the teacher started class – and what _did_ it mean, they and Mako were just hanging out, nothing more – and then afterwards, Mako was sitting against the wall, slouched over his phone, clearly waiting for Cass. “Hey,” Cass said, a little surprised by Mako’s presence but not that surprised at how their heart jumped when they saw him.

Mako looked up and grinned. “Hey,” he said. “Ready for lunch?”

Cass stared at Mako. _All you guys do is go on dates_ , they heard Maxine’s voice ring in their head. But this wasn’t a date. This was just them hanging out, the way they always did. It wasn’t a date. Mako had never said anything about this being a date, and Mako probably would have said.

Mako frowned. “Cass, what’s up?” He said, standing. His tie was a little askew as per usual. “You got other lunch plans? Wow, are you _ditching_ me?”

“Uh, no,” Cass said, shaking their head. There was something a little unfamiliar and fragile in the confusion on Mako’s face, something they didn’t like and rarely saw, something Mako was clearly trying not to show. “Sorry. Difficult class.”

Mako smiled. “Sure,” he said. “They’re all difficult when it’s fancy diplomat classes.”

“That’s not what they are and you know it,” Cass said, more than happy to fall into the familiar argument. Mako started walking towards the stairs and Cass fell into step, as well, Mako’s stride just as familiar as the argument.

“You don’t see _me_ taking classes about the political climate,” Mako said, sucking in a surprised breath when Cass opened the door and the cold winter air hit them. He ducked his head deeper in the gold House White Star scarf he’d stolen from Cass last year.

“I have no faith that you can even name the planets in the sector,” Cass replied automatically. It would be easy to just reach out and take Mako’s gloved hand. “Let alone know their political climate.”

Mako let out an offended but expected squawk. “What loser can name all the planets in the sector?” He said.

“Most people can do that, in fact.” Was this a date? Did it count as a date if you just went to the dining hall together? Cass had never been on a date with someone like Mako - or, well, anyone really. Maxine Ming and the other few people they’d dated had all been politically arranged and didn’t really count. Had they really been going on dates with Mako since the end of summer break? Had they been going on dates with Mako for five months and never noticed?

Did they mind?

“I don’t know that I can trust your opinion on this, given that you grew _up_ in a political climate,” Mako replied, shoving open the door to the dining hall. It was a few hours after lunch, but there were still students were seated, with books and headphones and empty plates on the tables in front of them. Studying like Cass should be.

They didn’t mind. They didn’t mind if these had all been dates. The idea settled around Cass easily, warmly, realizing that they’d wanted these to be dates for a long time now, even if they hadn’t let themselves think about it. For months before Mako had even done anything, Cass had wanted these to be dates.

Mako made Cass happy. He cared about Cass, and brought them food when they didn’t feel well and he made Cass forget about who they were required to be. He texted Cass over the summer just because Cass had said how lonely it was to be home on Apostalos. And Cass wanted to do that all for Mako, too.

“Cass, you there?”

“Yeah,” Cass said, running a hand down their face to try and hide their smile. They tried to return to the conversation. “I think that’s exactly why you should trust my facts on this,” they said, grinning. So they wanted to date Mako. And were probably already dating Mako. They couldn’t think of a reason Mako wouldn’t just kiss them in public if they were dating. Cass wouldn’t mind.

Mako snorted as he pulled off his scarf and dropped it on an empty chair. “Oh, so they’re facts now,” he said, making silly face that Cass couldn’t help but smile at. His tie was askew from the scarf.

“They were always facts!” Cass said, reaching out and fixing Mako’s tie so that it lay flat.

Mako looked down for a second then back up. “Thanks,” he said softly, running a hand over it. “You know I can’t do it myself.”

That was a lie - Mako could do his own tie, had been on this campus for years and absolutely knew how. What he meant was you know I don’t care to fix it. But Cass liked fixing it for him. That meant something, of course.

“No problem,” Cass said. They slung their arm around Mako’s shoulder, leaning a little close for a kiss, completely willing to be on this date and many more to come.

“Cass,” Mako said, sounding surprised. “We’re in the dining hall.”

Cass felt the words physically, like a stab to their chest. Apparently there was a reason that Mako wouldn’t kiss Cass outside of their room and it was because Mako wasn’t dating them. It was almost stupid, actually, that Cass could feel this horrified, this awful when they’d only just realized they’d be interested in a relationship a few minutes ago. It made no logical sense. But Cass felt a little bit like they were splintering apart, like even if they got put back together it wouldn’t be quite right.

Of course that’s how it went.

“Oh,” Cass said, drawing their arm away. It felt like lead, heavy to move, and they were clearly imagining disappointment in Mako’s face, just for a second, as they tucked their hand into their pocket. “Sure. Right.” They cleared their throat. “Actually, uh, I’m not hungry. I’m - gonna go study.”

“Study?” Mako said, confusion clear in his voice as he watched Cass pick up all their books and throw their scarf back on. _You’re imaging that he sounds sad_ , Cass told themselves sternly. _Don’t be stupid_. “We can study.”

“Uh, we can’t,” Cass said, because they felt a little ill now, actually. The only thing they wanted right now was to get away from Mako, who clearly knew the rules and had never even told Cass what they are, so how could Cass be faulted for being confused? So Cass had just discovered that they really wanted to be dating Mako and he wasn’t interested in that. Fine. But they couldn’t be around Mako right now. “I - bye.”

“Cass!” Mako called after them, but Cass was already pushing open the doors and welcoming the cold rush of air.

 -

Mako texted Cass three times - _cass whats goin on, cass plz talk to me, cass what the fuck happened?_ \- before Cass made it to their room, ripping off their tie and dropping their bag and just collapsing.

“Fuck you, Mako,” they spat, allowing their voice to be venomous and cruel in a way they’d never have allowed themselves to be in public.

It would be nice to be able to scream. As it was, Cass didn’t want anyone to hear them screaming. Cass liked to have their breakdowns without anyone listening in, if they could. They just wrapped their arms around their body and tried to stop that splintering feeling, because it was stupid, it was _stupid_ , because they hadn’t even fucking realized they were in this deep before they were heartbroken about it.

Cass drew a shaky breath. So – fine. They liked Mako a lot more than a friend, and should have realized long before this, and if they had, they wouldn’t have fooled themselves for ten wonderful minutes that this was real.

And then they wouldn’t be feeling like _this._

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Cass told the ceiling. Because it was a long series of fucking hook-ups, and always had been.

Their phone lit up with one more message from Mako: _whatever u need cass im here for u ok_? - just as they shut their phone down and Cass groaned.

Mako didn’t know anything was different. He’d been confusing about the whole situation, but Cass was the one who’d gone and accidentally - completely unknowingly inserted their feelings into this mess. Mako knew nothing. He’d show up tomorrow, put a gentle hand on the nape of Cass’s neck the way he _knew_ Cass liked, smooth his torturous fingers through Cass’s hair, draw Cass in for a kiss like Cass’s world wasn’t just different now.

Three sharp knocks interrupted this train of thought – Cass’s heart started pounding. They weren’t prepared to see Mako yet, still feeling too close to cracked glass.  “Go away.”

“It’s Maxine,” Maxine said. Of course. Mako had class right now. Cass imagined that he’d gone, of course, because nothing was different on his end.

Maxine wouldn’t go away though, so Cass pulled themselves out of bed and opened the door.

Maxine grinned up at them. “Heard you and Mako had a fight,” she said.

“That happened like an hour ago!” Cass said, crossing their arms self-consciously. “You were in class, how did you hear about it?”

Maxine raised one eyebrow. “Wanna talk about it?” She said, inviting herself in.

“Not really,” Cass groused, but they didn’t stop her. They were actually a little thankful Maxine was there – she was their best friend, and even as she lay a hand on their arm, they felt a little more whole, less like they were falling apart. Maxine would probably tell them they were stupid for falling apart over a boy, voice soft and careful.

 Maxine sat on the bed like it was a throne and stared at Cass for a full four minutes until Cass caved. “It’s nothing. It’s just that, you know, we aren’t dating.”

Maxine frowned. “And?”

“And I want to be,” Cass said, because it was simple. It was incredibly simple. So simple that Cass had ignored it for years, really. The pieces were all there.

“And you - yelled at him?”

“I didn’t yell at him.”

“Rumor is that you yelled,” Maxine said. “Said a lot of mean stuff, actually. That’s not the way to win the boy’s heart, you know.”

“I didn’t yell at him!” Cass said. “I said nothing! I left!”

“To have a cry,” Maxine said, nodding like she knew just everything.

“Shut up,” Cass said, flopping onto the bed next to her, because it wasn’t technically true but it was close enough.

“He really turned you down?” Maxine said, sitting up straight on the bed. “Why would he do that? I thought he really liked you.”

Cass decided instantly not to tell her what really happened. They hadn’t confessed anything. They’d just seen it for what it was. “I don’t know,” they said now. “Can you go now?”

Maxine ignored that. “You should try again.”

Cass blinked. “No way.”

“What exactly happened?” Maxine pressed. “Everyone on campus knows that kid is into you. There is no way he’d turn you down unless there was a really good reason! Like he has a brain worm. Or a clone.” She gasped. “Maybe this is his clone!”

“I think he just wanted to keep doing this friends-with-benefits thing,” Cass said.

Maxine’s jaw dropped. “You’re sleeping with him?” She said, so loudly that Cass winced and hoped their neighbors weren’t home.

“Yes,” Cass hissed, hunching their shoulders self-consciously. “What did you think was happening? You told me you heard we were making out in the hallway!”

“I just thought you were being stupid,” Maxine said stubbornly. She actually looked a little impressed, damn her. “Damn, Cass. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“I don’t,” Cass said, waving their hand about. “That’s kind of the point, isn’t it.”

Maxine sighed and for a moment they sat there, in the silence, in the slowly darkening room. Outside it was snowing. “Okay,” she said eventually. “But if you aren’t going to say anything, you better stop sleeping with him.” Cass didn’t say anything, and Maxine sighed. “Cass, come on.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Cass said stubbornly, because they hadn’t known until just this moment how much they didn’t want to give it up. It was one of the worst ideas they’d ever had, but if they couldn’t have a relationship, they at least didn’t want anything to change. “In another couple of months we’ll be graduated anyways, and then I’ll probably never see him again.”

“Not if you approach it like that, you won’t,” Maxine said, standing up. She smoothed her long skirts down, her face serious. “Cass, are you really okay just letting him never be part of your life after we graduate?” She must have seen the clear _no_ on Cass’s face, because she gave them a soft smile and patted his elbow. “Okay,” she said soothingly. “Okay. Just - think about that, okay? If you do nothing now, you’re going to lose him forever.”

“Maxine,” Cass said, as she stepped towards the door. She turned to them. “I - thanks.”

“Just think about what I said,” she said, giving them a quick hug and then she was gone, closing the door with a soft snick behind her.

She was right, of course. If Cass was going to be smart, they’d break off the sleeping together thing, but – they didn’t want to lose Mako as a friend, but here was no way that Cass could see that wouldn’t end with something between them and Mako permanently altered.

Mako wouldn’t be cruel, he didn’t have it in him. But for all that Cass knew Mako, they didn’t know how Mako would react to a friend confessing their love. At the very least, Mako would be very kind about it, but he’d probably want to stop sleeping together.

Cass sighed and got in bed again. It was early, but they may as well go to sleep.

They tried to ignore how empty the bed felt.

-

Cass turned their phone on in the morning to find two more messages from Mako - one reading _im worried about u cass_ and the second one reading _did i do something wrong?_

Which, he hadn’t beyond making Cass fall in love with him.

Cass sighed again. They couldn’t find anything to text back, even as they got dressed, straightened their tie – even _that_ made them think of Mako, because Mako had clearly left nothing in Cass’s life untouched. They should have stopped for breakfast, but when they looked up, their feet had stopped in the snow outside Mako’s dorm.

They hovered for a moment, looked down at the phone in their hand, then kept going. Ignoring Mako wasn’t the answer, but Cass wasn’t ready yet.

But they had to say something, didn’t they? Anything. Just to let Mako that – that things hadn’t changed. That they were okay. Okay enough.

 _Sorry_ , Cass sent, settling into their seat for their first class. _I felt very ill suddenly yesterday. But I’ll see you later, I’m feeling much better_.

It was a shallow excuse, and Cass didn’t blame Mako for not replying right away. But he didn’t respond even by the end of Cass’s class, as Cass was putting their scarf back on. Incredibly unlike Mako, who always responded within minutes. He always said it was a side effect of texting with his head.

No answer, even as the. Very unlike Mako. They checked their watch, wondering if maybe Mako was still sleeping. He had an afternoon class that got out in an hour, because Mako always complained that it was practically dark by the time it got out. Cass could be there and be waiting for Mako, to explain. Possibly over dinner.

They had to, really. It was understandable that Mako was worried, even a little upset. Mako loved his friends, cherished them.

Cass remembered how Mako had looked shocked when Cass had brought back a little present for him from Apostalos, how he’d pretend not to cry when Aria had brought him soup just because he’d hurt his ankle and wasn’t supposed to leave bed. How they always kept AuDy in the loop about group dinner plans even if AuDy didn’t care to come to dinner because they didn’t eat, how he also made sure never to get anything with nuts because Cass didn’t like nuts

Cass swallowed around the lump in their throat. They didn’t doubt this was tearing Mako up.

The class of Mako’s door was just opening, the first students trailing out as Cass arrived – let out a little early, but it was fine, they were there. The professor was calling out the reading as they left. Cass caught sight of Aria’s dark red hair, but Mako wasn’t with her.

Despite everything about Mako, he consistently showed up for class. He was a good student. A small tendril of worried snaked around Cass’s heart.

“Aria!” Cass called, catching up with her. She squinted at them, which was fair, because they didn’t really talk very much without Mako there as a buffer. Cass liked her and all, but she and they ran in very different circles. Well. So did Mako, really, but Mako was what always brought them together. “Do you – Mako wasn’t in class today?”

Aria gave them an unreadable look. “Nope,” she said, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. “Try his room?”

“He just – he doesn’t miss class.”

“I haven’t talked to him today,” Aria said gently. By the door, her friend, Maritime, called her name and Aria looked over. “I have another class in ten minutes,” she said. “Try his room.”

Cass checked Mako’s next classroom first to see if he’d show up, then the library - the alcove Mako loved was empty, but just in case, Cass checked every floor. No sign of him or his ugly jacket anywhere.

His roommate answered the door when Cass finally checked his room - god, Cass couldn’t even remember his name, that’s how little Cass came here. In fact, Cass wasn’t technically even on the register for this dorm, and had to sign in as a visitor every single time, a process that took a maddeningly long amount of time when Cass was starting to get seriously worried. “Is Mako here?”

The roomie squinted at him. “Nope,” he said. It didn’t look like he even remember who Cass was. “Said something about wanting to watch the stars or some shit though. Planetarium?”

“We don’t - ” Cass started to say, but the roommate closed the door. Pleasant guy. But the campus didn’t have a planetarium. Where would Mako go to watch the stars?

Cass tilted their head upward. Technically, students weren’t allowed on the roof, but the rules had not ever stopped Mako.

But at the top floor, the door to the roof only opened two inches, just enough to let in a blast of cold air. Cass could see a sliver of darkening blue sky and just a tiny bit of blonde hair and orange shirt.

“Mako?” Cass called, leaning against the door, shivering. “You up there?”

There was some mild cursing and the blonde hair and the tiny sliver of orange moved, then Mako said, “Cass?”

Something in Cass’s chest eased. “It’s me.”

“What are you – what are you doing here?”

Cass stared up at the door, at the sliver of sky visible through it. They didn’t really have much of an answer. “You weren’t in class today,” they said, because it was true, and they let that mean whatever it meant.

Mako was silent a long moment. “Uh, yeah,” he said, clearly trying to sound cool. “I skip class all the time, it’s fine.”

“No you don’t,” Cass said, tilting their head and trying to see any bit of Mako that they could. “I know you.”

Mako sighed. For a second, Cass thought Mako would just ignore them, but eventually Mako said “Yeah,” and then the door opened. Mako was framed against the dark blue of the sky, clearly exhausted, and shivering. “You do.”

“What are you _doing_ up here,” Cass said, and it was automatic, really, the way their arms went around Mako’s shoulders. Familiar, even, the way Mako turned his face into their chest and let Cass support him. His skin was cold when Cass smoothed a hand over his jaw. “Mako – did you stay up all night?”

“Um,” Mako said, voice muffled. He was holding on to Cass’s sleeve. “Yes?”

Cass thought back to the night before last, when they and Mako had been studying for a test, and Cass had dozed off around midnight and woken up at three to see Mako, desk light still on, hunched over a book. So he hadn’t gotten enough sleep this entire week, probably. “Okay,” Cass said. “Come on. We’re going to my room.”

“But it’s beautiful up here,” Mako said, and Cass paused to look at the roof, which was concrete and grafitti’d and not at all beautiful. Maybe Mako meant the stars, or the sunset, but it was cloudy and it was barely even getting dark. A snowstorm was moving in. Neither sunset or stars could be seen.

“We’ll come back up here another time,” Cass promised gently. They could see their breath in the air. “Mako, you need to sleep.”

“It’s pretty,” Mako said stubbornly, gesturing towards the edge of the roof. “Look.”

“It’s gorgeous,” Cass said, because that was better than saying something stupid like _I just figured out I’m in love you,_ which Mako didn’t need to hear right now. “Come on.” When Mako didn’t move, Cass tugged at him, pulling their scarf off and wrapping it around Mako’s neck. “Don’t make me carry you.”

It startled a fragile laugh out of Mako, at least, which made him look a little more like himself, and Cass let out a breath before ushering Mako down the stars to the first floor. The White Star dorms were only a few minutes’ walk away, but it felt like ages without Mako chattering on the way he always did.

“Okay,” Cass said when the door closed behind them and they were safe in Cass’s room. “Come on. Get in bed. You need to warm up and you need to sleep.”

Mako was far from any cold damage – his skin was cold, his nose was running, but he clearly hadn’t been on the roof that long – but Cass worried, still.

“Thanks, doc,” Mako said dully.

Cass put a hand on Mako’s shoulders, using their other to carefully, _carefully_ lift Mako’s chin so that they could look him in the eyes. “Mako, you’re freezing,” they said. They’d meant to sound stern, but instead their voice was soft. “Please. Let me take care of you.”

Mako blinked a few times but leaned over and untied his shoes. His socks were bright pink. “Okay,” he said, giving Cass a weak grin. His hand came and gave Cass’s cheek a few quick pats even Cass tried to push him into the bed. “You just wanna get me in bed.”

“I’m ignoring your innuendo,” Cass said. “This is an innuendo free zone.”

“Innuendos are all I have,” Mako protested, but he slid into the bed at least. “At least – get in here with me?”

“I was actually going to stand here, arms crossed, staring at you until you went to sleep,” Cass said, because they needed to make Mako smile again, so he’d stop having that distant look on his face, the one that meant his thoughts were a thousand miles from Cass’s dorm room, the one that made Cass so _fucking worried._

Mako graced him a very small smile. “That’s creepy, Cass.”

“If you say so,” Cass said, tugging their shoes off, feeling a little lighter, their heart less tight. Mako scooted over, so that his back was against the wall, and Cass slid in, tangling their legs together and throwing an arm around Mako’s waist to pull him a little closer. For a second it was peaceful, in the dark, with the snow going by the window, but then Mako pressed his nose against Cass’s neck,

“Fuck, Mako!” Cass said, jerking back. His nose was _freezing_. “How long were you up there?”

“Not that long,” Mako said, reaching up to push Cass’s hair out of their face. His fingers were still cold too. “I just – when it started getting dark, that’s all.”

“Then where were you during class?”

Mako made a displeased noise. “I didn’t want to get out of bed.”

And maybe that would work on someone else but - “You never skip class.” At that, Mako ducked his face so that Cass couldn’t see him. “Mako, what’s going on?” Mako sighed and mumbled something into the crook of Cass’s neck. “I’m gonna need you to speak up – _hey!_ ” One of Mako’s fingers had jabbed Cass’s side. “Mako, come on, I was worried about you.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Mako said, lifting his head just a little bit. “I should be worried about you.”

Cass blinked down at him. “Why?”

“Because you ran off yesterday,” Mako said, the words coming quickly like he needed to get them off his chest. “And you wouldn’t talk to me, which means I probably did something because I thought you told me everything - well, I tell you everything, I guess I don’t know that it goes both ways but - I probably really upset you. So I should be the one apologizing.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t lie.”

“You didn’t,” Cass insisted. Because Mako had done nothing out of the ordinary, actually, it was Cass who’d realized that the ordinary was actually a little agonizing to do when you were in love with the person you were just sleeping with. “It was - I was being stupid. Is that why you skipped class today, because you felt bad that you made me upset? Which I’m not. I’m not upset.”

Mako was quiet a long moment. “Uh,” he said. “Sure. Kinda.”

It was Cass’s turn to poke Mako, just once, and Mako squeaked. It took him a long time to say anything more, but Cass was patient. They would wait Mako out. They lay there, eyes closed, listening to Mako’s breath.

“Cass,” Mako said eventually, fidgeting a little bit so that he could look at Cass. Cass turned their head and looked back at him. “Are you ashamed of me?”

Cass turned to look at him. “What?” they said.

Mako fidgeted a little bit. “Because you ran off yesterday,” Mako said. “After you put your arm around me. And -”

“No,” Cass said firmly. Unconsciously, they’d start to clutch Mako a little tighter. “Mako, no.”

“You just - you looked like - ill - when you’d realized you’d done it in public.”

“Oh,” Cass said softly. “Mako, no, I - that’s not what it was.”

“Then what was it?”

“I just - I fooled myself into thinking we were more than just sleeping together,” Cass admitted. “I thought maybe we - that it was a date. But uh - you didn’t really like it when I went to kiss you. That’s why I ran off.”

Mako was silent a long time. Cass shifted uncomfortably. “Mako?”

“But we are dating,” Mako said confusedly.

Hold on. _What?_ Cass sat up, and Mako fell out of their arms with a small _oof_. “What?”

“We’ve been dating for like five months,” Mako said, sitting up too. In the moonlight, his skin glowed. “Did you - ” a strange expression crossed his face, like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to laugh or if he was upset. “Did you not know? I’ve been making out with you for months.” He put on a fake serious face. “Are you about to tell me kissing is just a friend thing on Apostalos. How do Apostalosians make out, Cass?”

“No!” Cass said, because this wasn’t _fair_ _,_ even, they’d just spent all of last night wallowing for _nothing_. “No, it’s not - I didn’t - you never touched me in public!”

“Yeah, that’s because you always looks so uncomfortable whenever people gawk at us when we hang out,” Mako said, waving his hand around. “I thought you just hated PDA.”

“I thought that meant this was a fuck-buddy situation!”

Mako’s face fell. He didn’t even try to hide it. “So do you not wanna be dating?”

“No, I want to be dating!” Cass said. Mako’s face lit up, and then Cass couldn’t stop giggling. They clapped a hand over their mouth, but they just couldn’t. All this drama for _no reason_. “Sorry. It’s not funny. But it’s - it’s fucking hysterical.”

“When do you think this makes our anniversary,” Mako said out loud, and then he was giggling too, both of them laughing and braced against each other like they didn’t have the will to sit up at the moment.

Cass wiped at their eyes, still laughing a little bit. “It’s not funny,” they said again, and just because they could now, they pressed a kiss to Mako’s temple, watching Mako smile up at them like nothing else mattered. Cass felt so full and warm they could barely contain it. “Sorry.”

“I was going to get you something for our six month anniversary, do you think you might have picked up on the dating thing then?” Mako said.

Cass blushed. “You didn’t say anything,” they protested, but Mako was grinning even as he leaned in and kissed Cass, capturing the laughter. “Does this mean you’ll hold my hand on campus now?”

“Of course,” Mako said, snatching Cass’s hand up immediately. “I would love to. I would be _honored_ to.”

“I’m not ashamed of you,” Cass said. “You thought - that I was ashamed of our relationship? And you wanted to keep dating me?”

“I only thought that yesterday!” Mako insisted, burying his face in his hands. “Not ashamed, exactly, but uh - I thought you didn’t want it getting out. To your parents or something. I’m not exactly who a royal scion should be dating.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” Cass said instantly. “You - you know I don’t. You know that, right?”

“I know that,” Mako reassured them, leaning his head on Cass’s shoulder. “I know. I know you, too. It was self-doubt, okay?”

“Don’t let me do that again.”

“What, be the reason I might have self-doubt? I don’t think it had anything to do with you, Cass.”

Cass took a deep breath in. Fair enough. “Then tell me next time?”

“Sure,” Mako said. “Got it.”

Cass studied him. He looked earnest enough now, but that could all change, later, if he talked himself into a deep hole. Fine. Cass would just have to be there no matter what. “Okay,” Cass said. “Okay.”

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Mako informed them. “Just so you know, when I do this, I’m doing it because I’m dating you. In a very _very_ serious way. There is no laughter here.”

Cass nodded, their face deceptively serious. “Of course.”

“Just so you know.”

“I do.”

“You’re sure.”

Cass let out an exasperated sigh. “Just kiss me already,” they said.

They were treated to the delighted look on Mako’s face before he leaned it. It was a slow, unhurried kiss, Mako’s hands slowly threading through Cass’s hair, Cass’s hands pulling Mako in closer. The way a boy might kiss someone they loved. The way Mako had been kissing Cass the whole time.

-

Its easy months of bliss, after that. Nothing changed, really, except now Mako would take Cass’s hand all the time, in the dining hall, in the library, and pull them down for a kiss. Every time it sent a little thrill down Cass’s spine. Maybe it was just because this was new but maybe it was just Mako.

It was easy. Not all of it, of course. Sometimes Mako would be so hyped up that he couldn’t sit still and would fuck off for slushies in the woods or go over to Ted’s. Sometimes Cass just needed quiet time. But they understood each other, at least, and it wasn’t really that different from what they’d been doing before.

 

As graduation got closer, Cass got more and more and messages from their parents about returning home. It wouldn’t be a bad life – to be a minor noble on Apostalos, only getting involved for state dinners or if Euanthe never had children, which was incredibly unlikely. But Apokine wanted Cass close.

Cass had applied to three medical school, at Maxine and Mako’s soft urging. Mako only mentioned it a few times, hadn’t pushed it, just said it was nice, that Cass knew what they wanted to do and – Cass wanted to be a doctor.

Cass didn’t really know Mako wanted to do. They’d been avoiding the topic. Cass didn’t want to think about it.

“Do you think,” Mako said, in that voice that meant he was being serious but he wanted people to think he was joking, “That we’ll ever leave September?”

Cass turned to look at him. He was lying on Cass’s bed, feet up against the wall, head hanging off the side. His face was pink. They were supposed to be studying for finals, and they’d been doing well, until this interlude. This was the first that Mako had said anything about after graduation.

“Of course we will,” Cass said, because – well, of course they would.

“Right, sorry,” Mako said. “Of course you will.”

He wasn’t looking at Cass, which made it hard to read his face, but – “You’ll leave too,” Cass said, because he would. In a month, when they graduated, Mako Trig would get to take a transport off September for the first time, if he wanted, and the whole of the galaxy was open to him. He could do whatever he wanted, and Cass envied him for that, a little bit, but – they’d hoped Mako might come with them back home. Just for a while.

“Yeah,” Mako said, rolling over, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Okay. Next question.”

“I just – I hoped you’d want to come to Apostolos with me,” Cass said, not willing to let it go. They hadn’t thought about it that deeply, but they’d really just assumed that if Mako didn’t have anything lined up, then he’d come. “I wanted to show you the royal gardens.”

Mako blinked. “What?”

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Cass said quickly. “I just – I thought you might like to? Because I have to go home after graduation, even if I get into med school, and -”

Mako sat up, his face going from red to a more normal color pretty quickly. It wasn’t an attractive look and Cass found themselves smiling fondly. “You want me to come with you?” He said. “For – Cass, how long have you been thinking about this?”

“Uh,” Cass said. Honesty was the best policy, probably. “Like two days after the second time we started dating?”

“You didn’t say anything,” Mako said.

Cass ducked their head. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. You haven’t been off-world, ever, and – I thought you’d probably want to see the rest of the galaxy so -”

“Cass,” Mako said softly, all his happiness clearly spilling into the word. He set his book down and framed Cass’s face in his warm hands, pulling them in for one deep kiss then another.

“Okay,” Cass said, smiling at him stupidly, l. “Is that a yes?”

“That’s so a yes,” Mako said, planting another kiss on Cass’s nose, as of all places. “I’d _love_ to come home with you. Fuck the rest of the galaxy, Cass, you’re my galaxy!”

Cass gave a fake groan as Mako flashed his signature _yes I did just make that ridiculous joke_ smile. “That was so bad,” they said, wrapping an arm around Mako’s waist and pulling him close. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t,” Mako said cheekily, accepting Cass’s kiss. “You love me.”

“Yeah, well,” Cass said. Couldn’t deny that. Could only just kiss Mako again. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> probably after graduation they go to apostalos n mako has a great time fucking with cass's family and then they fuck off so cass can go to med school and mako can see the galaxy
> 
> hmu On Twitter @surrealisttrees where im constantly talkin bout cassmako


End file.
